Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Project: Keep my kids alive till school starts

T-14 days and counting
A- Take them to the doctor to update shots-keeping t
hem away from sharp objects, emergency exits, examination tables, and bio-hazardous waste- while modestly feeding baby and trying to listen for important instructions from said doctor.
B- Take them to the dentist, so their teeth will not fall out- causing them to survive on Mashed peaches (said with lips bent around teeth) (go ahead, no ones watching- try it)
B1-even if this means admitting to dentist that we may not brush daily- let alone 2 times daily- which some weeks may translate to weekly.
C- Refuse to take 5 non-swimming children 8 and under to places where they might drowned, with out pre-authorized designated help.
Why? you may ask-let me tell you what happens when I do
. Last week got to the lake, #1,#2,#3, #4 ran out to the lake, as #5 was recovered from a blow out. I glanced again at the lake to make sure 1-4 were safe, #1 and #4 were simultaneously drowning. #4 was rescued by play group momma. #5 was left nude on an un-designated beach. #1 was pulled sputtering from lake by overwhelmed, 1/2 dressed, poop stained, grateful momma. No more water!
D-Limit the number of times I make new found recipe for caramel popcorn-thus reducing risk of Sugar Coma
D2 1 cup of Brown Sugar, 1 Cup of marshmallows, 1 cube butter- melt together and pour over popcorn- Happiness
D3 Sugar Coma Bad for mother with 5 children 8 and under
E-Increase structured activities-thus eliminating free time

E2 Free time promotes creativity and ingenuity which often includes the use of found sharp objects, high places, or toys used in unintended manner.
E2B ie. tricycles ridden off trampoline at high speeds-recreating Wright Brothers pre aeronautic success. Long sticks sharpened to points aiding in eliminating bad guys AKA #3 and #4.
F- Keep #5 in baby front pack at all times thus eliminating probable accidental death by love from 1-4

14 days of survival here we come

By the way- If you are looking for a blog that points out the wonders and delights of child raising go here www.soulemama.com-sorry that it is not me today


Heathere Willoughby said...

Could you more clearly define "1 cube of butter"? 1 Tbsp, 1 stick, 1 block of 4 sticks? Ack!

Sounds like life has you busy.....

5boystokiss said...

1/2 cup of butter- 1 stick There is definitely a language barrier when you move east :)
Great Question! How are you BTW?