Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I don't look so good ... ...on paper or caterpillar in training

I know this is a strange post, but its on my mind.
Tom went home teaching on Sunday. When he got home he told me all about it.
Important to note *
This family that he home teaches- have for boys, just like us. Their boys are about the same age as ours. And they moved in to the ward, so I was hoping we would be fast friends, and we could swap stories about our crazy boys. I dearly love the family. I have taught each of the boys in primary, subbing. They are just endearing and tender heart-ed. Their mother is equally as endearing. She leads the music in primary. For the first time ever, I see my second oldest joining in the singing and trying with all of his might to get chosen. I just love this family. The only problem is they are perfect! She writes a column for a paper. She even makes her own cheese for heaven sakes. She is a writer and avid reader, carrying on conversations about authors and their works. She always has perfect hair, and the sweetest most angelic look on her face. Like she lives in Bliss. Get this, she has to get her oldest son to quite reading- she has to force him to go bike riding :)
**If you ever read this, Dear Sister, Please know I love you, I am just in awe of your well rounded perfection!!
OK sorry, got side tracked.

So, Tom told me that they asked about me. Of course, I was interested. I am self centered like that. He said that they wanted to know what I got my degree in. But, alas I did not get my degree. I am 8 credits away from a degree in sociology. Why haven't I got it? I chose not to. I guess I am a non-conformist. So, then he says, but she went to beauty school. Oh, they say, so does she have her license? No he says, she chose to be a motivational speaker instead. Oh, they say, so does she do that? No, he says, she chose to stay home with our boys. Later they discuss the applesauce that this sweet sister is canning. One of the jars breaks, and she jokes about her apple soup. Tom goes on to mention that we have apple trees, but we wasted garbage can after garbage can of apples last year, from our 2 trees. After hearing all this I decided that I sure didn't sound very good on paper! I am a college drop out who finished beauty school, didn't get my license, got offered a motivational speaking position where I could make big money, wear fancy clothes, and shower daily. But instead I chose to raise four boys, who run around at church, fight, yell, and more often than not, forget to brush their teeth. I also waste apples where other mommies pay money to pick them.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am happy with who I am, and what I have done with my life. I know I am not defined by a degree a license or how many jars of applesauce I can put up. I am defined by my Eternal lineage. I have a father in heaven who loves me. I am constantly trying to improve myself to be like him. So, even though I don't look that great on paper I know that that is not important to Heavenly Father. What is important to him, is that I believe the Savior, and what he teaches, and act in faith.

Recently I re-read Sister Beck's talk, that she gave in conference in the spring http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=869dde009da38210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
This paragraph meant a lot to me
The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. Qualifying for the Lord’s Spirit begins with a desire for that Spirit and implies a certain degree of worthiness. Keeping the commandments, repenting, and renewing covenants made at baptism lead to the blessing of always having the Lord’s Spirit with us. Making and keeping temple covenants also adds spiritual strength and power to a woman’s life. Many answers to difficult questions are found by reading the scriptures because the scriptures are an aid to revelation. Insight found in scripture accumulates over time, so it is important to spend some time in the scriptures every day. Daily prayer is also essential to having the Lord’s Spirit with us. Those who earnestly seek help through prayer and scripture study often have a paper and pencil nearby to write questions and record impressions and ideas.

Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself? For example you can identify about 10 things that you feel need improvement, so you say, starting Monday I will do all 10 of these things every day for the rest of my life, only to find that by Wednesday you have already forgotten to be perfect?
Here is the plan, this year I am going to start reinventing myself. This month I will "spend some time in the scriptures daily" keeping a paper and pen near by. Then next Month I will add something else- continuing to read, write, and pray. Month by month I will add little things, and by the end of the year I will hopefully be able to cross the little things that always show up on new years resolutions, off my list. Then I can add something really great to the new years resolution. Something like saving a life or building a woman's shelter.

So, as you probably noticed, I blog about my goals to add a bit of accountability to them and hopefully inspire some one along the way. I am going to send it over to my marathon training blog. So if you're interested in my 12 month makeover go visit there. Thanks for reading!

4 comments:

Lloyd said...

It is all in God's timing... How beautiful. I have really enjoyed reading the posts on your blog. I would like to invite you to come on over to my blot and check it out. God's blessings. Lloyd

Marianne said...

You are amazing to me! I totally agree with what you said about how that's not what it's about, it's about how we are progressing in our relationship to God, but I'll say it anyway to give that self centered part of you a little boost. And know that I really mean it! You are one of my heroes!

Jenni said...

Goodness, that was a wonderful post!

Trisha said...

I know how you feel about observing apparent perfection in others. I also think you know that it's JUST NOT TRUE! That mother isn't perfect, she's just different than you are. Even as you're watching her in awe and amazement, someone else (maybe someone kind of like me, for example ;) is watching you in the same manner--perhaps also feeling a bit overwhelmed, intimidated and guilty about the ways she feels like she doesn't measure up to what you are. But I won't hammer on this too much because one of my favorite things about you is that you DO know who you are, and that you're amazing and special. Doesn't mean you don't feel self-conscious sometimes, but you are one of my best examples and reminders of what it means to be a woman of the Covenant, a mother in Zion and a daughter of God. I can't think of a higher accomplishment or higher praise! Love you, Babe!