Late Summer Winds

Late Summer Winds
Wind, You don't fool me
Disguised as a welcome relief from the blistering Sun
I know, Life slows as you blow
The Harvest comes
With frost on your tips you bring death
Like wrinkles, the leaves change
Like cancer, the leaves cover the ground
You bring death to this sea of green
Dimwits will remark on the beauty of Autumn
The loveliness and kindness that rest her wisend eyes
They see her royally sitting in her hospital bed
and pray for her to live
But, There is an order to things
A spring, a summer, a fall, a winter
You are blowing dangerously close to fall
Now she hangs ominously in the balance between life and death
so, don't blow wind
Keep your colors
your rays of shaky hands, age spots, and lost memories
Stay far from those I love
Too late
Why was she so brave?
Why couldn't summer have lasted a little longer?
Did I savor every moment?
You, wind, carrier of bad news
Blow
Carry these questions to the one
The one who keeps order
The one who made her brave
The one who took her away
How many times will you blow before I see her again?
Asking you not to blow is the same as halting the seasons
The miraculous miserable seasons of life
A birth in spring
A life lived in summer
A preparation in fall
A loathsome death in winter
As you carried her away you carried another
The One
The one who plead for life but accepted death to save us
The one who made her brave
An all knowing Father hid in the deepest corner above
Not far enough
Still not far enough away to keep from hearing
Hearing his Son cry, "Where are you father?"
As he died in agony
You The Father quaked the earth
You darkened the sun
You cried
I know you will understand as I grieve while the wind blows
It blows smells of fresh bread, homemade jam, garden harvests
It blows memories of her hugs, her working in the garden, the orchard, the kitchen, her
Oh Father who knows all, who loves all
Thank you for blessing me with her
Blow wind
Blow
Blow the memories
Advance the seasons
As He willingly died
I willingly live
This is my summer
so
Blow wind
Blow

You always have a friend in the Lord.

Well I just got back from Girls Camp. The Theme this year was "Your not alone, You always have a friend in the Lord". All of these girls go to different schools. Can you imagine living in a place where there are more schools than Mormons :) There was 120 girls. We had a terrific time. We went canoeing, hiking, and swimming. We learned lashing, knot tying, and whittling. We shot arrows and rifles. We cooked with a reflector oven, vagabond ovens, bunson burners, gas stoves, open fires, dutch ovens, roasting sticks, and sandwich sticks. We did a ropes challenge course and viewed the observatory. We went to a butterfly tent, where we learned of 20 species of caterpillar/chrysalis/ butterfly. We slept in Cabins on bunks. There was running water for showering, and washing. We met with the mission president and his wife, the stake president, and had a wonderful testimony meeting. We sang every song in every book, and slept as little as possible. My total hours of sleep for the week was 15 :)

What did I learn? Our girls are amazing! The Youth Camp Leaders (age 16) did everything! From enforcing rules, to organizing the cooking, cleaning, singing, and hiking. By the end`of the week I was ready to write them a recommendation. These lovely ladies could work anywhere- they are prepared to go to college and take good care of them selves and there surroundings. I give much credit to their parents and the amazing Stake Girls Camp director who understands the power and importance of delegation.

Only the girls bore their testimonies, during the testimony meeting. We had about 60 girls get up and bare their testimonies. We asked them in the beginning to keep their testimonies strictly to principles and ordinances of the gospel and not a thank-timony, confessional, or travel log. For the most part they did really well. They talked about how they were the only Mormon in their schools. They shared stories of being teased or mocked for their beliefs, and how in their saddest and loneliest moments, they realized that they were never alone, because they always had a friend in the savior. They are so strong and beautiful! Heavenly Father is preparing them. They also talked about how they found friends among other Christians, muslims, and jews. Other teenagers who believed in the same moral guidlines and family values that they did. They talked about the power of prayer, scripture study, and quiet meditation on the Savior. They talked about how they look forward to girls camp, so they can get together with other girls who know and believe the same as them, so they can just let down and be themselves.
I love these girls!! I am so grateful for their strength and example to me. I am grateful for the spiritual boost I received. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the youth. I love being outdoors in the beauty of the Earth. It was a perfect week!!
The purpose of girls camp is as follows:
Camp is an outdoor experience for young women ages 12 to 18. It gives young women opportunities to:

* Draw closer to Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ
* Feel the influence of the Spirit.
* Serve others.
* Build friendships and unity
* Learn skills.
* Appreciate God's creations.
* Have fun!

Camp is essential to the Young Women program. Camp is significant in strengthening young women’s testimonies and is an experience to build upon all year. Camp is challenging but it is worth it.

I say we fulfilled our purpose!!
Thank you Heavenly Father for the experience.

Pondering

Has any one ever pondered what is meant in the scriptures when they say "rumors of wars"? I would love to get your feedback!

Marathon Picture

So that was fun. I am glad I am done. They will be mailing me my medal.
This summer we will be focusing on our remodeling projects. I think I will take an Art class in the fall. That will be my next big adventure.

I finished! I am a marathoner!

I will post pictures later, but a 14 month long goal is finally done! I completed my marathon just 10 minutes after my goal time. I am so happy to be done!

Little sisters big challenge

Write a post about what you love most about being a mom. Because more people need to know that being a mom is a full time job that should be respected.

As the title says, this is my little sisters challenge. Isn't she great!

What do I love most about being a mom?
I love the Vases full of Dandelions
I love the peanut butter kisses all over my clean clothes
I love teaching my children skills that will last them a life time
I love hearing my babies sing
I love our family night traditions
I love cuddling under a blanket on my bed and reading to them
I love seeing them ready for church in the white shirts and ties
I love coming in to the kitchen to see Hyrum and Enoch unloading the dishwasher
I love to watch Gabriel clear his dishes-and anyone else who is done after every meal
I love hearing Gabriel and Hyrum talk after we put them to bed
I love hearing Seth read to Hyrum and Enoch (doing the voices just like I would)
I love when they use their imaginations to come up with creative costumes
I love how they comb their hair
I love when they say, "Mom I love you"
I love it when they say, "Mom, don't where that dress, wear your princess dress"
I love discovering life again through their eyes
I love teaching them to clean up their own messes
I love watching them scrub their own masterpieces off the wall
I love the thunderous stampeded I hear when Tom gets home from work
I love the tradition of waving good bye-this tradition has been carried down
I love throwing my hair back in a ponytail, with no makeup on- only to hear "Mommy you are beautiful! You are the most beautiful princess in the whole world."
I love looking for bugs
I love listening for animals
I love making mud puddles and splashing in them
I love that their favorite food is pb&j sandwiches, and if I make that, they thank me for the yummiest dinner ever!
I love the way they think
I love how they cuddle up for hugs, kisses, and comfort
I love when they remember habits I am trying to teach on their own
I love when I tell them to hop in bed and they say, "But we forgot scriptures!"
I love when they dig for buried treasure
I love that my dryer goes to the moon almost daily
I love that ropes and sticks can be turned in to any thing useful
I love that when I go to a grocery store I can not leave without hearing "Are those all your boys, or do you run a day care?" To which I always respond, "Yes they are all my boys and they sure are fun!"


I don't know if this list would cause some one to respect motherhood or not, but it sure makes me glad I am a mom- thanks for the challenge Sarah Lynn!


Happy Mothers Day Mom- Thank You!
Happy Mothers day to all you other mommies out there- have a wonderful one!

My journey with weight

I have reached the end of the 13 months I gave myself to get in better shape. I have not, however, hit the goal of the marathon. I am happy to report that marathon day is May 22nd. But, this is not the end or the beginning of my journey with weight.
Some of my earliest memories are when I was 4, and I was the happiest little girl ever, because I fit in to 6 slims. I normally wore regulars- and my brother normally wore slims, but I, one time in my life, fit in to slims! I remember being really proud that I had accomplished some feet! How funny that a four year old would think of such things, but I did. Those pants were so uncomfortable, but some how in my mind I was skinnier because they were slims. So I wore them often and quickly out grew them.
I remember hearing my Grandma say that I walked like a little football player. I also remember always comparing my stalky body to my brother, sisters, and cousins thin bodies. I think at this point it was mainly a body type thing, and I just happened to be the only stalky bodied child in my whole town! I see the same thing with Gabriel. His body is stalkier than Seth and Hyrums. His chest is more barelled. And he is not FAT!
As soon as I went to school I was paired with the big kid in my class. I knew at that point that I must be fat too. People would always tease us that we were in love- because we were both fat. Looking back, I realize I was not fat just stalky. But then I thought I must be huge!
Some where in about 2nd grade I remember starting to sneak food. I would eat sweetened condensed milk and frosting. Probably 3 or 4 times a year. I loved that sweet taste in my mouth! When I was 12 I got a job mowing my aunts lawn. She would pay me 5 dollars. I would walk to my grandmas house, and on the way stop at the store and buy m&ms and a Sobe. These were really the only things that I can remember eating more than regular meals provided. In Junior high and high school I struggled with weight. When I learned about eating disabilities ie. anorexia and bulimia I tried them both out- wishing I could look like the bag of bones( the starved girl in the bikini) they showed us to scare us away from these eating habits. However, I did not have the will power for either of these behaviors. So, I resigned myself to being fat. When I was a senior in high school I went to Boise to work in the capitol building. I lived with a family- and paid them $100 a month for rent and food. I never knew what food was ok for me to eat. So, I ended up eating a yogurt, a cheese stick, whatever food was at the page office, and dinner if the family had it. This made it very easy for me to loose weight with all of the running I had to do at the capitol building. For the first time ever I felt confident with my body. I even felt beautiful. My mom made me a beautiful prom dress, and I felt very pretty in it. So, even though I literally had to beg a guy to go to prom with me, and pay for everything for my senior prom, I still felt very happy and pretty.
Then just a year later I was engaged. Something I thought would never happen. My mom again made me a beautiful wedding dress and I looked like a princess. Even though I weighed 70 lbs more than Tom he told me daily how beautiful I was. He would tell me about my eyes, my hair, my lips, and my curves "blush". Eventually I really believed him. I knew no matter what I did or became I was beautiful. This led to 6 years of untaimed weight gain. Totalling 68 lb. Woo. exhausting. Honestly I realized I was gaining weight, but I still felt very beautiful. The only thing I didn't like was pictures of myself. I thought the camera caught a bad angle-honestly! Then I would ask Tom- Do I really look like this? and he would say your beautiful to me. So I thought I was. Last year after I had Enoch I went in for my 6 week check up, and the doctor told me my BMI showed I was morbidly obese. These words effected me. Hearing the word Morbid rocked me and I decided even though I was beautiful it couldn't hurt to get into better shape. This started a 13 month goal. I added up what it would take to train for a 5K a 10K a half marathon and a full marathon. That's how I came up with my 13 month mark. Amazingly enough I was able to stick with the goal right up through August of last year- and I had to take a 4 month brake due to Toms crazy work schedule. Then, January 1st I started scheming again. And now just 14 months later with a 4 month break I am about to hit my fitness goal. Training for the 5K was just as difficult for me as training for the marathon is now.
I have a completely different out look on food now. Food is fuel. If I eat junk I run like junk. If I eat 4 fruits, 4 vegetables, 2 cups of cooked wheat, and about 6 oz of meat, and a couple glasses of milk I run like a well oiled machine. My body feels happy and energetic. If I eat the same amount of calories in junk food. I feel like a couch potato. All I want to do is sleep and eat. This new outlook on food lets me eat a sweet snack here and there, but not for most of my diet! I don't crave it like I used to. I feel free from food just like I used to feel a slave to it. I still every once in a while recognize that I am over eating. But, now it is occasional. This will take much more discipline when I am not burning an extra 3400-3600 calories a week. But I will address that when I come to it.

When I got Married I weighed about 200 lbs. I got up to 268 at my heaviest. Now, 14 months later. I am down to 209. This feels strange! Some times I feel bone(ey). Like when I am laying on my side at night, I used to be able to snuggle in-with all that extra cushion- now I have to actually use extra cushion for that job :) I have not bought new clothes, just because I don't want to spend the money on it, so I am still wearing the same clothes. Which means a size 18.
On Saturday I went to the store with a $100 clothing budget and a goal to buy a dress for Tom and I's fancy vacation we are going to. I tried on the 16's which were to big, and then the 14's, but ended up being most comfortable in the 12. I can't believe I am in a 12. I can't shop at Lane Bryant any more. Nothing fits! When I look in the mirror I can not see a difference. To me I look the same. I feel differently in that I can run a bit faster and my arms don't rub on my sides when I run.
BMI says I will be in a normal weight range when I am at 175. I am just barely into the "overwieght category" on the heavy side. I am probably a little smaller than I was when I got married, because my wedding dress fit again at 220. So- I think my muscle may tone down a bit and I will loose a little bit then. Any way I guess the point of this post is to say I am no longer morbidly obese. I now have a chance at raising my kids. woot woot!
One of the promises in the word of wisdom is that we will be able to run and not be weary. I take Heavenly Father at his word. I know that as I do the things that allow my body to accomplish the plans he has for me- he will help me to accomplish them.